i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize