I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You dont lie about slip and slides
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
