you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
