Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize