Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
