They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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