What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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