Her vagina should come with caution tape.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
