Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
