We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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