So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
