There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
