I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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