He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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