So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
