I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
