Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
