i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
