broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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