New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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