I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
