i wish starbucks made bloody marys
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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