That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
he thought i was a dude.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
