I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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