There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize