my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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