I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
