Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
