I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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