genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
She's the barista slut.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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