five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
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