you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
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