she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
