i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
