he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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