dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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