Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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