There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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