please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize