i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
