So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
