I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
