you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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