yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize