How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
