just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
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