i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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