i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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