Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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