I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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