this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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