So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
