Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
fuck your aforementioned shoe
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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