I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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