HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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