I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
