How'd it feel making her break her religion?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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