Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Less talking, more tequila
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
