We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize