i was born a porn star she said
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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