I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
