he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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