It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
