Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
