You smell like a Billy Joel song
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
